Yesterday was my 599 Monthiversary. I'm now in my 600th month of life. And ending the 50th year of my life. I'm kind of obsessive about this.

Part of my obsession, I suppose, is about still being single at 50. I didn't anticipate that when I was, oh, 49. Actually, on my 49th birthday, I was dating someone I liked a lot. It didn't last.

Part of my obsession, also, is about being gay and not young. Young in gay culture is about being in your early 20s. Guys in their 30s are past their prime in this warped corner of society; guys in their 40s are definitely over the hill. Guys in their 50s are trolls.

I realize, as I near 50, that it would be very difficult for me to modify my lifestyle to accommodate a partner. I'd love to be seeing someone and for it to be serious; but it's hard to imagine taking it to the next step, living together. I suppose if it happened, things would work themselves out. But there's a lot more room in my heart than there is in my "house."

"House" in quotes might be the house I own, but even if it's a different house, when you're 50, you move in with your own way of establishing a household. Building that in partnership with someone else would always involve negotiation and compromise and capitulation, but that's got to be much easier to pull off when you're younger and haven't been on your own for so long.

The fact that it's a non-issue right now is somewhat comforting.

Meanwhile, I'm pleased that I'm now officially employed by POP, the company where I've been contracting for the last 2 1/2 months. I have a good feeling about the future working there, and it's nice to be on solid ground financially. I don't know how short-term contractors do it. I've talked to many who love that life for the same reason I didn't love it: they like to be able to separate themselves from the world of the company where they work. I want to be involved and invested in the work and the life of the company. Yes, there's always office politics, and I could do without some of that, but I have an advantage over a lot of people in the business world: I used to work in academia, and I think there's no workplace in the world where the politics is more damaging and depressing. Comparatively, the office politics have always been easy for me to deal with in the business world.

I do think they managed to get me in as a full-time employee just in time to enable me to work lots of overtime in the next couple of weeks if necessary to complete my project. Smart of them, huh? I don't mind at all, though. It's been hard for me to go home after 8 hours of work and not be able to finish what I was doing.

Over the last month or so, I've been through periods of major frustration at work, struggling to make things work right. When I'm in the midst of that, it's not fun, but when I'm past it, it's so rewarding. I look back at what I worked on yesterday, for instance. It was what should've been a simple modification on a web page, and it took like four hours to make it work. I wanted to throw my computer across the room at one point. But when it finally worked, I wanted to cheer out loud.

It's all good.